I almost destroyed my marriage. Some people do that with anger, adultery, or pure old fashioned selfishness. I used words.
Whatever controls the tongue has control of a very powerful thing. In Proverbs 18:21 it says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” It’s the next verse that really catches my attention: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
I am lead to believe that God is saying that words and marriage are intricately connected. Ouch.
I never realized that the state of my marriage would never rise above the level of what came out of my mouth. The words I spoke and the unflattering tone I spoke them in predicted the quality of my marriage. No exceptions. As God has done a work in me, I have realized He wants to use my tongue to create a great marriage and for us to use it to bless other couples. It’s been a long road filled with hurt, grace, and redemption.
My husband is one of the wisest men I know. He is quiet but can certainly say what he means. He is no pushover. I used that to my advantage as he is not as quick witted as I am and when I didn’t get my way or the response I was hoping for, I would turn my wittiness against him. I would beat him down, accuse him of awful things and would do all I could to make him think he was the problem in our marriage. What I did with my mouth is one of the worst things I could have done to him and to our marriage.
Restoration began when I accepted Christ, asked Him for forgiveness, and then apologized to Ron, probably for the first time ever. I know my words didn’t miraculously evaporate with my apology, but affirming words began to replace hurtful ones and restoration took root. The nature of my words revealed the nature of my heart and my heart was filled with hate and un-forgiveness from a childhood that was less than stellar.
Many of my personal habits developed in childhood. The first marriage I ever knew was a mess and ended in divorce. Parents, think about what type of role model you are for your kids and how they are learning from the way you communicate with each other.
I believed that I could get a good response from my husband threatening him with divorce or adultery or laying into him with hurtful words. I never came thru an argument thinking how much fun it was and I hoped we would do it again sometime soon. I was looking for any type of a response, even a negative one gave me a sense of accomplishment. Negative words may have resulted in an immediate reaction, but it had an impact for years to follow.
I was insecure and ignorant until God took hold of my heart.
His faithfulness is everlasting and a relationship with Him has changed EVERYTHING in my life and in my marriage. God created the world by speaking it into existence and we can use our words to speak into existence the type of marriage, families, and homes that honor Him.
In Matthew 12 God tells us we have to be careful with the words we say. Eventually I had to take responsibility for them and the damage I had done. Let me challenge you to think about the kind of words you are bringing into your marriage. Hate brings forth hateful words, but a heart filled with love brings forth loving words. Thank your spouse for what they mean to you. Thank God that he has given you a lifetime partner. Don’t miss an opportunity to say the words that really matter. Ask God to help you live a life without regret, especially in your marriage. Live with the homeward call of Jesus always at the forefront of your thoughts, motives, and actions.
Love can change the unchangeable.
Take advantage of the Next Steps marriage classes that Metro City Church offers throughout the year. Metro also offers marriage mentoring and Christian counseling thru Thrive 220. Contact the church office at office@metrocitychurch.tv for more information.